Michael Jackson Jokes
BigJoe
Banned
Late-Night Jokes About Michael Jackson and the Child Molestation Case
Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
"Good news for Michael Jackson, not guilty on ten counts! The bad news --
he's going to Disneyland!" --Jay Leno
"It's like they always say, if you're rich and white, you can get away
with anything." --Jimmy Kimmel, on the Michael Jackson verdict
"The next big question is, Will Michael Jackson be Robert Blake's new golf
partner or Scott Peterson's new girlfriend? --Jay Leno
"Johnny Cochran died and had a funeral. You know who was at the funeral --
both O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson. In fact, Michael cornered O.J. and
said, 'How do you get stains off a glove?'" --Bill Maher
"Michael Jackson was caught on tape saying he was a virgin until he was
the age of 32. I mean, is that really shocking? I mean, he was a black man
guy 'til he was 35." --Jay Leno
"As you know, Michael Jackson late again to court twice this week?have you
seen him? Two people helping him walk into the building; he's constantly
late; he's crying a lot; he's walking stiffly?I think he's going through
menopause." --Jay Leno
"Michael brought his personal magician into court with him. Good to see
this thing doesn't turn into a circus. I guess the magician's job at
Neverland was to make the young boy's pants disappear." --Jay Leno
"According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the
payroll at Neverland Ranch. So the next time you see Michael with his
hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch
money." --Jay Leno
Michael Jackson, late for court again today, you know, because of his bad
back. Well, you'd have a bad back too if every conversation you had in
your life involved having to bend over and ask, "What's your name?" --Jay
Leno
"A lot of people think Michael may be suicidal. That's the latest theory.
Just last night he swallowed an entire bottle of Flintstone Chewables."
--Jay Leno
"A lot of people thought Michael Jackson was faking it yesterday but
people who know Michael say he does have back problems that flare up from
time to time. Like when he's on trial for child molestation." --Jay Leno
"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Dick Cheney? One has
pasty white skin, fake body parts and he's creepy; the other's Michael
Jackson." --Jay Leno
"Michael Jackson claims that his partners would sleep in the bed, while he
slept on the floor. You know, it's the same arrangement the Clintons had."
--Jay Leno
"The judge in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial selected 250
candidates for the jury pool, while Jackson himself has selected 20 for
the kiddie pool." --Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"According to a Gallup poll, 17% of those asked still have a favorable
opinion of Michael Jackson. That may not sound like much, but it's still
more than any of the Democratic candidates running for president." ?Jay
Leno
"Michael Jackson now using the internet to communicate with his fans.
Which makes sense, that?s how he met most of 'em." ?Jay Leno
"After turning himself in yesterday, Michael Jackson was placed in
handcuffs. I think he helped his case when he asked 'These are neat, do
they come in smaller sizes?" ?Jay Leno
"Michael Jackson announced this week that the Neverland Ranch is no longer
home to him. He said he can?t go back there. Which of course is really bad
news for the kids locked in the crawlspace." ?Jay Leno
"Now he is out on bail ? again he still doesn't get it. When a reporter
asked him what he is going to do now, he said, 'I'm going to Disneyland.'"
?Jay Leno
"Early today Michael met with his priest ? not for spiritual advice, they
went on a double date." ?Jay Leno
"Michael Jackson turned himself into authorities today and now the court
may take away his kids. Don't worry, Michael's working on a deal where he
can dangle them on the weekends." ?Craig Kilborn
"The saddest part of this Michael Jackson scandal is that all of this
could have been avoided if he just stuck to grabbing his own crotch."
?Craig Kilborn
"Michael Jackson was arrested yesterday. According to the Santa Barbara
Police, Michael Jackson is 5'11 and only weighs 120 pounds. Michael is
able to keep his weight down because he only orders off the children's
menu." ?Conan O'Brien
"Michael says he is going to fight these charges tooth and nail ? because
those are the only real body parts he has left." ?Jay Leno
"Several celebrities have stepped forward to defend Michael Jackson ?
Woody Harrelson, Roman Polanski, Pete Townsend." ?Craig Kilborn
"I can sum up Michael Jackson's legal defense in three words: dead man
moonwalking." ?Craig Kilborn
"Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for Michael Jackson and today by
mistake cops picked up Diana Ross." ?Jay Leno
" I guess they got Michael on that new law ? 3 tykes and you're out." ?Jay
Leno
"Did you hear who Michael Jackson's lawyer is? He hired Scott Peterson's
attorney Mark Geragos. Geragos' slogan is 'no client too sleazy.' See
Michael's smart cause he knows that next to Scott Peterson he looks
innocent." ?Jay Leno
"Police swarmed all over the Neverland Ranch for 12 hours, about 60
investigators and found a lot of items that needed explaining. Like the
wedding photo with Lisa Marie Presley." ?David Letterman
"His bail was set at $3 million dollars because he is considered a flight
risk. Cause, you know, he could run off anywhere and blend right in."
?David Letterman
"If you've been watching television today, so it begins, the Michael
Jackson mini-series kicked off. The glee, the salivation in the news
people. The CNN logo had an erection. If you looked closely, the 'N' was
standing tall. ... By God people, there is a Medicare bill to debate! If
only the Senate molested the Medicare bill." ?Jon Stewart
"Yesterday federal agents raided Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch in
Santa Barbara. This isn't good. People are gonna start saying this guy is
peculiar. Apparently Michael Jackson was so upset he contacted Rush
Limbaugh's housekeeper to get some sedatives." ?David Letterman
"I guess they had 60 federal investigators going over the Neverland Ranch
property for 12 hours and didn't find anything. But they did turn up OJ's
knife." ?David Letterman
"Earlier today, police raided the Neverland ranch. Michael Jackson was so
upset he dangled himself over a balcony." ?Craig Kilborn
Why did MJ run down to kmart.
Boys pants were half off
Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
"Good news for Michael Jackson, not guilty on ten counts! The bad news --
he's going to Disneyland!" --Jay Leno
"It's like they always say, if you're rich and white, you can get away
with anything." --Jimmy Kimmel, on the Michael Jackson verdict
"The next big question is, Will Michael Jackson be Robert Blake's new golf
partner or Scott Peterson's new girlfriend? --Jay Leno
"Johnny Cochran died and had a funeral. You know who was at the funeral --
both O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson. In fact, Michael cornered O.J. and
said, 'How do you get stains off a glove?'" --Bill Maher
"Michael Jackson was caught on tape saying he was a virgin until he was
the age of 32. I mean, is that really shocking? I mean, he was a black man
guy 'til he was 35." --Jay Leno
"As you know, Michael Jackson late again to court twice this week?have you
seen him? Two people helping him walk into the building; he's constantly
late; he's crying a lot; he's walking stiffly?I think he's going through
menopause." --Jay Leno
"Michael brought his personal magician into court with him. Good to see
this thing doesn't turn into a circus. I guess the magician's job at
Neverland was to make the young boy's pants disappear." --Jay Leno
"According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the
payroll at Neverland Ranch. So the next time you see Michael with his
hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch
money." --Jay Leno
Michael Jackson, late for court again today, you know, because of his bad
back. Well, you'd have a bad back too if every conversation you had in
your life involved having to bend over and ask, "What's your name?" --Jay
Leno
"A lot of people think Michael may be suicidal. That's the latest theory.
Just last night he swallowed an entire bottle of Flintstone Chewables."
--Jay Leno
"A lot of people thought Michael Jackson was faking it yesterday but
people who know Michael say he does have back problems that flare up from
time to time. Like when he's on trial for child molestation." --Jay Leno
"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Dick Cheney? One has
pasty white skin, fake body parts and he's creepy; the other's Michael
Jackson." --Jay Leno
"Michael Jackson claims that his partners would sleep in the bed, while he
slept on the floor. You know, it's the same arrangement the Clintons had."
--Jay Leno
"The judge in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial selected 250
candidates for the jury pool, while Jackson himself has selected 20 for
the kiddie pool." --Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"According to a Gallup poll, 17% of those asked still have a favorable
opinion of Michael Jackson. That may not sound like much, but it's still
more than any of the Democratic candidates running for president." ?Jay
Leno
"Michael Jackson now using the internet to communicate with his fans.
Which makes sense, that?s how he met most of 'em." ?Jay Leno
"After turning himself in yesterday, Michael Jackson was placed in
handcuffs. I think he helped his case when he asked 'These are neat, do
they come in smaller sizes?" ?Jay Leno
"Michael Jackson announced this week that the Neverland Ranch is no longer
home to him. He said he can?t go back there. Which of course is really bad
news for the kids locked in the crawlspace." ?Jay Leno
"Now he is out on bail ? again he still doesn't get it. When a reporter
asked him what he is going to do now, he said, 'I'm going to Disneyland.'"
?Jay Leno
"Early today Michael met with his priest ? not for spiritual advice, they
went on a double date." ?Jay Leno
"Michael Jackson turned himself into authorities today and now the court
may take away his kids. Don't worry, Michael's working on a deal where he
can dangle them on the weekends." ?Craig Kilborn
"The saddest part of this Michael Jackson scandal is that all of this
could have been avoided if he just stuck to grabbing his own crotch."
?Craig Kilborn
"Michael Jackson was arrested yesterday. According to the Santa Barbara
Police, Michael Jackson is 5'11 and only weighs 120 pounds. Michael is
able to keep his weight down because he only orders off the children's
menu." ?Conan O'Brien
"Michael says he is going to fight these charges tooth and nail ? because
those are the only real body parts he has left." ?Jay Leno
"Several celebrities have stepped forward to defend Michael Jackson ?
Woody Harrelson, Roman Polanski, Pete Townsend." ?Craig Kilborn
"I can sum up Michael Jackson's legal defense in three words: dead man
moonwalking." ?Craig Kilborn
"Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for Michael Jackson and today by
mistake cops picked up Diana Ross." ?Jay Leno
" I guess they got Michael on that new law ? 3 tykes and you're out." ?Jay
Leno
"Did you hear who Michael Jackson's lawyer is? He hired Scott Peterson's
attorney Mark Geragos. Geragos' slogan is 'no client too sleazy.' See
Michael's smart cause he knows that next to Scott Peterson he looks
innocent." ?Jay Leno
"Police swarmed all over the Neverland Ranch for 12 hours, about 60
investigators and found a lot of items that needed explaining. Like the
wedding photo with Lisa Marie Presley." ?David Letterman
"His bail was set at $3 million dollars because he is considered a flight
risk. Cause, you know, he could run off anywhere and blend right in."
?David Letterman
"If you've been watching television today, so it begins, the Michael
Jackson mini-series kicked off. The glee, the salivation in the news
people. The CNN logo had an erection. If you looked closely, the 'N' was
standing tall. ... By God people, there is a Medicare bill to debate! If
only the Senate molested the Medicare bill." ?Jon Stewart
"Yesterday federal agents raided Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch in
Santa Barbara. This isn't good. People are gonna start saying this guy is
peculiar. Apparently Michael Jackson was so upset he contacted Rush
Limbaugh's housekeeper to get some sedatives." ?David Letterman
"I guess they had 60 federal investigators going over the Neverland Ranch
property for 12 hours and didn't find anything. But they did turn up OJ's
knife." ?David Letterman
"Earlier today, police raided the Neverland ranch. Michael Jackson was so
upset he dangled himself over a balcony." ?Craig Kilborn
Why did MJ run down to kmart.
Boys pants were half off
Comments
They both come on little white crackers
little boys!!!!!!
ill be out back,, attitude adjustment