Tried to tell you..,
golfer1000
Senior Member
BG is just bad. No other way around it, he just sucks fuckin dick
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You need to stop betting. Seriously.
Yes.
Golfer, its been real, its been fun, but it hasnt been real fun. Adios
Anyway, I was going at it and I heard sirens outside my house. I quickly finished and laid low near my computer, thinking that it was another house. But within a few seconds I heard the police near my door, and I can tell its the Lafourche Sheriffs office and theyd already been called about me a few times, and there was one of them who really didnt like me. The police first screamed, THIS IS THE POLICE or something similar that I cant seem to fully recall. I didn't know whether to run to the door because they probably had tasers, which would be unpleasant, so I screamed that I was opening the door. I opened the door slowly as they came in. One of the officers told me that they had heard reports of a girl screaming. I told them that I did not hear such a scream. I was keeping cool.
They checked my room which then I realized ho hum. I told them, absurdly, that I was watching porn on the computer. Then it hit me that this porn is illegally downloaded, and it might have been directed in North Korea but I know these officers wouldn't care about that. They were skeptical at first but then I asked them if they wanted to see it to which they agreed. They both then had a funny smirk on their face as I scrolled to the screaming part. The officers called the neighbor and asked her if she heard it again. They increased the volume, and she said on the phone, Yeah exactly the same voice, to which the officers told her that it was a movie and will tell the neighbor to turn it down. The officers chuckled again and told me if I want to watch it, keep the volume as low as possible or use headphones. They left. Words cannot describe what a bizarre state I was in, so I went outside to walk to my friend's house who lives two streets down.
While walking down the street, I see the typical skanks strolling crazy after or before a party; I couldn't really tell. One girl, who was walking alone on my side, asked me if I wanted to have sex. Yeah. That's right. Just like that, out of the blue. But that's country girls for you. She had a nice pair of breasts and an above average face. I remember her perfectly: about 55, brown hair, brown eyes, tanned body and a tiny birthmark on her neck. Oh, and the most discernible farm girl accent I've EVER heard. I first talked to her to see if it was some kind of trap, which occurs 99% of the time, but this wasn't. She even took me near the trees. I, knowing about STDs and all, didn't really care at the moment, as I was horny after I got a terrible fap session due to the police interrupting. I was really into it and told myself this is a really, really strange day.
This is where it gets ugly. Remember how I fapped a while ago? Well, let me explain some things about that incident. I used toilet paper, not a tube sock. When the police came, I just finished and didn't have time to clean up everything. She pulled down my pants and there it showed. In my head, I was dying of embarrassment. I didn't have any water around to wash it off so as I was trying to explain to her she freaked out and ran away. The worst thing about this is that, one: I couldn't explain myself, and two: she knows who I am. I decided to run back to my house, clean it off, and then go to my friend's house. There I told them my story, which they refuse to believe.
Bad huh? Now here's where it goes from Beckett to Proust if ya know what I'm saying. My friends suggest that we all go out clubbing around the town. Now, I'm a decent looking guy, and my Chalmette accent in a rural town like Thibodaux usually goes down like buttered bread on these rural girls. I'm in need of a real confidence boost, so I agree to go along, hoping to show off by getting a few girls' phone numbers. However, what happened next, I could not have predicted.
We stop off first at a club/bar called Teasers. Inside, I work my magic, pursuing girls and winning them over enough to get their numbers, and maybe some feeble groping. I'm feeling really good, and we all decide to move on to a new establishment. The next place we hit is The Elbow Room, a mid-sized club famed for its bizarre Bauhaus architecture. It's here that I'm at prime, swooping in and swooping out of girls like some avian Lothario. This was definitely a good night for me; I must have picked up at least eight phone numbers and made out with over a dozen chicks. And my friends, who had previously scoffed at my sexual solipsism, were regaining faith in my divinity. I hastened upon a pack of three hot looking girls dancing in the center of the room. Pardon me miss, has anyone ever told you that I have very beautiful eyes? I flash a sexy grin. Thank you, she replied, not sure if she heard me wrong or if she was too dumb to get punch line.
I froze. Suddenly the clunk of my heart replaced the beats of the music in the air. I became dizzy, the light from the ceiling began to faze in and out. Well let's get a good look at ya. As she came into the light, my worst fears were realized. It was the girl from earlier. Ummm...hi, I croaked, not sure how to play it. Ooh my good, it's YOU! Youre the sick pervert! Time froze, and with it did all my discernible senses. The other girls with her began to look at me with a mortified stare. Suddenly, the music stopped. Why it did, I do not fully understand. An immediate circle formed around me. There were girls staring at me shocked - some I remembered from earlier who had given me some mouth lovin'. Well there was nothing beautiful about this. One girl, a blonde, began to spit furiously at the ground.
This freak kissed me! She screamed.
Someone who Id only touched began to spontaneously break into tears. Suddenly the room seemed to be devoid of any men, only women who felt that had been callously infected by me like that one movie Kids. The horrified screams began to intensify - like bats they were. And one girl fell to the floor clutching her heart and screaming about having her life ruined. Suddenly, I felt a man grip my arm from behind. Son, you're coming with us, the burly gentleman said.
Little did I know that my night had only just begun...
So there I was, in one of those police rooms with the all-too-obvious two-way mirror. It was me, the officer, and the trollop who started this whole thing. She looked like she had been crying. Her gallon of mascara had dripped and dried to her cheek. The only other seat in the room was another milking stool. Since when did the milking stool make a comeback? Well I guess this is cow country.
I needed cover. I slowly began to tuck my knees into my stomach, bringing them up off the floor and basically balancing on my bottom on top of a thin milking stool. I can't imagine how stupid I must have looked there, on a milking stool, with my knees under my chin.
I have a stomach ache.
The police officer leaned against the wall and let out a sigh. The girl was avoiding my gaze; good, I thought, that way she wont see me in an aroused state and get the wrong idea.
Can you describe what happened between the time that I left you at your house and your arrival at The Elbow Room? the police officer said.
This wasn't good. She had told them something about our encounter earlier, and it wasn't exactly favorable to me. Nevertheless, I explained how this girl had propositioned me in the middle of the road, and how we'd gone to the grove by McDonalds. When I was done, the policeman gave me a wry look. It was consensual? he asked.
Of course, I said. This girl is a slut. The police officer seemed to be smiling now, "So you're saying that this girl just walked up to you in the street and demanded that you ?" I could see the girl getting more and more uncomfortable. Yes, I said. Listen, son, life just doesn't work like that. Young, innocent girls like my daughter, don't just walk up to strangers and demand that.
I froze, and my senses shut down.
Daddy, please stop, the girl choked out. But the policeman told her to go outside and wait with her mother. The policeman came towards me and pulled the chair 180 degrees, sitting on it and leaning himself over the backrest. I threw down my legs, nearly falling off my milking stool in the process.
That porn you were watching earlier that evening...What was it called?
Ummm...4tube.com. I said.
No, the name of the film, you genius, he shot back. I was startled for a second. Was I going to get done for illegally downloading porn? I played it cool.
It was Sexy Sleepover 5, I said, "the first porno to feature the Tijuana helicopter sex position. He seemed impressed. He inquired about the screaming. I told him that its not often that a teenage girl gets subjected to a Tijuana helicopter; it gave her a slight shock. He asked me whether it was enough. I said not really, since I was forced to make an emergency landing.
Is that why, he said, You decided to go out and try to rape my teenage daughter?
This was serious. Is that what she said? No I was a just a willing participant to her rabid nymphomania. This got the officer mad. He shot up and kicked the chair to his side; sweeping his hair back, he pushed himself close to me. You, you tried to force my daughter. My daughter would never do anything like that!
Then it hit me. This guy was trying to frame me. He couldn't accept that his daughter was a slut, and after she was forced to admit to various people how she knew about me, he created this myth that I had tried to rape her in order to protect her reputation.
Did your daughter tell you this? I asked, trying to find a weakness and exploit it. He told me that she did. I asked if I could speak with her.
You can't. Witness protection.
But I just saw her now.
That was to identify you as the assailant. She's back there now giving her statement to my partner. I had her leave when I felt you were getting too violent. I didn't know what to do. I was being framed by a corrupt policeman. Then it hit me. My friends! They would vouch for me. I had told them exactly what had happened when I met them before we went clubbing.
I want my one phone call, I said.
Eventually I got my phone call. I phoned my friend's house but he wasn't there. Damn. I was about to call one of my other friends who was with us at the club, but then the policeman came and cut off the line. I'm sorry, he said, Youve had your one phone call.
As I sat there, thoughts began running through my head. I was being accused of attempted rape, I had no witnesses, and it was my word against a tearful girl - who just happened to be the daughter of the officer who was prosecuting me. How was I going to get out of this?
I reckoned that I needed a lawyer right about now. But even then, I had serious doubts about whether I would make it out of this alive and not on the sex offender registry.
I was led to the front desk and asked some questions - my full name, age, student union number. Do you curl you hair? the secretary asked?
What? I replied.
"Is that your natural hair texture?"
No, I said, I have a perm done every so often; I just love having nice, bouncy curls! My humor was not well received.
Eventually I was whisked into a different room. It must have been built in the last 50 years because instead of a milking stool they had a real chair. I sat down. It felt so good. I was mercilessly interrogated by a new officer. He waltzed in and put his foot on my armrest. I was forced to gaze into his crotch. It was uncomfortable.
"Hi, my name is Evan," he said.
Hi Evan.
Shut up, rapist - I'm sorry, attempted rapist.
Look, I said, This has all been a misunderstanding. I never attempted to rape that girl. She just came up to me. This is 2008, not 1958. These things do happen. Furthermore, I think that her father is trying to frame me. If you just let me have five minutes with the girl then I can guarantee you she will clear this up.
You think you can get this girl to admit she's a whore in five minutes? he said. If it were under different circumstances, I could get her to show you she's a whore in five minutes, I replied, giving a slow wink. He was not amused.
That's my friend's sixteen year old daughter you're talking about here, he said. Oh, yeah sorry...sixteen, really? I stuttered back. Stupid Alex. This. Is. Not. The. Time. For. Jokes.
She's gone home, he said. Can I ask you some more questions? What attracts you to young girls?
Ummm...how am I supposed to answer that? I need to tread carefully. She's hardly young, I said, Sixteen would just be a girl. He nodded his head agreeably.
So what attracts you to girls like Melissa? That was the first time I had heard her name.
Well, I'm not really attracted to her. It's just that I had had a very disappointing fap session, and was and still am horny.
This question didn't seem to satisfy Evan. Tell me, he said, What do you think of her breasts?
Ummm...I don't think they're anything special.
After a few more questions, varying in humility, were asked. Evan left the room saying, "wait here". Ten minutes later came the previous police officer, who beckoned me out. He led me to Evan. "Alex, this is Dr Newman, he's our forensic psychologist." This guy is a psychologist. Wow, it's true what they say. All psychs are crazy themselves. Go to your college and check out the people doing psychology; I guarantee you that they're all depressed emo kids.
We've met, said Evan.
Oh good, said the officer, Did you get a chance to profile him?
Sure did.
WAIT, what?
I sure did, said Evan again with a grin, ...fixation with large breasts, latent Oedipus Complex...this guy's a Type 1.
Oedipus Complex? I'm not in love with mother! I protested, And what's Type 1?
Firstly, you are, you just don't know it duh, said Evan, and secondly, it means you fit the profile of a serial rapist. Don't worry I went over this with your mother.
NO. NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.
You spoke with my mother?! I screamed. Yes, she's on her way now, replied Evan coolly.
Oh my God! What did you tell her?
We gave her our working hypothesis; that you're a sexually frustrated loner who targets girls with large breasts in order to transgress the sexual desires you have towards you mother.
He took a step back. I'm so proud of figuring that out on my own.
Mods won't ban him, they will just lock thread and say move on!! Then he starts another one, lock thread and move on. Wash, rinse, repeat!
You must be in a good mood tonight, I was thinking Golfer was about to be given a two week vacation.
He's a paying client so I figure he's getting some slack
Look guys, I don't have serious issues. Lol. I actually can't wait to meet some of y'all one day just so you know I'm just normal guy. ( I know that may be hard to believe at times ) but it's true. I'm not crazy or have any serious problems geez! Lol. I'm just posting on a forum.
I think you your greatest contribution to the forum to date will be if you decide not to buy another month.
Edit: I think your greatest
Hate typing on my phone
Wow...
I don't use recipes for this so I'm winging it. Spray a medium casserole dish with nonstick cooking spray. Saute a chopped medium onion in some oil for a few minutes, and season the onions with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and smoked paprika. After a few minutes, add a few cloves of minced garlic, and then add a 20 oz bag of defrosted broccoli. Saute that for a minute or two, and then transfer the onion, garlic, and broccoli mixture to the casserole dish.
Now heat about 2 or 3 tbsps of butter in a saucepan, and when its melted, sprinkle an equal amount of flour in the butter, stir it for a couple minutes (the flour will start to smell a bit "nutty") and then slowly whisk in about a cup and a half of milk, and keep whisking until the mixture thickens. (Maybe 5-10 minutes?) Once it's thickened, add about 1.5 cups of grated cheese. I usually use a mix of half smoked gouda and half Gruyere, but any cheese that melts well will work. Then when the cheese melts, pour the sauce on top of the broccoli in the casserole dish.
Finally, melt some butter (maybe 2 tbsp?), stir in about 3/4ths to 1 cup of bread crumbs, and spread the bread crumbs on top of the broccoli and sauce. Bake at 350 for about 25-30 minutes until the breadcrumbs are browned and the mixture is cooked and bubbly.
None of these measurements really need to be precise, aside from that you need to have an equal amount of butter and flour to make the cheese sauce.
In the context of your reactions to short term losing when following long-term winners, yes, you most definitely do. Saying you're OK when Ed loses b/c he made you $ in the past makes no sense. AFAIK, BG is also up for the past several years of MLB. Just b/c you didn't follow him shouldn't in any way impact your opinion of him going forward based on those past results.
As others have mentioned, please reconsider my previous suggestion and just take the summer off.
FWIW, if Ed hadn't already posted, I personally would have banned him. I also believe he has received at least one short term ban in the past.
Which is exactly why you shouldn't be gambling.