Monday Wrap-Up
BennyProfane
Senior Member
Monday Morning
7:54 a.m.
I wake up. I realize that I am not hungover. This puzzles me.
7:55
I spend the next seven minutes staring at the picture on the wall. It is of a man walking down a cobblestone street somewhere in Western Europe. It is horribly out of place in this room. The tv is still on from last night. Apparently TNT is the last thing I was watching before I went to sleep. DA Cutter never loses. I still can't understand why I'm not hungover.
8:02
I roll out of bed and decide to get dressed. I am still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, but I did take my shoes off. I realize that I have no clean clothes since I've been putting off doing laundry. This is going to be my second day in a row wearing this shirt, and third for the socks.
8:05
Go to the bathroom to shower. I have run out of shampoo, deodorant, and razors at the same time. I have not showered in more than 24 hours. I shrug my shoulders and walk out.
8:08
Walk the three blocks from the El Cortez to the Cal-Neva
8:19
Get the NBA and NCAA sheets from the sportsbook. Look for Krazybread, but he isn't there. Briefly regret every decision I have made in life that has led me to this point.
8:40
Drive to the Peppermill. Low fuel light is on in my car. Decide to put off buying gas until later.
8:52
Go to the poker room and drink from the unguarded coffee machine. Briefly try to flirt with supervisor, but get absolutely nowhere.
9:28
Go upstairs to computer center and check bettingtalk. Nothing good is posted except new TommyL picks. He likes WV -5 and SD pk. I go downstairs.
9:32
The lines they have are WV -6 and SD +2. I punch the table since I realize I can't bet WV. I bet $440 on SD. Briefly consider flirting with the ticket writer, but decide it's just now worth it.
9:35
Sit down and stare at the betting board. Brood about not being able to bet WV. Go back to poker room and drink more coffee. Check Roughingthepunter and betting for more picks. No valuable information posted. Sports betting forums are the biggest waste of time on the internet.
10:21
Head to Del Taco for brunch. Order 5 tacos for $2.50. The supervisor is "Reno Cute" which is to say she isn't completely revolting. She seems eager, so I consider asking for her phone number. Then I remember I am in Northern Nevada, so there's a 100% chance she's a single mother with herpes, making this a decidedly -ev prop.
10:31.
I eat all five tacos in less than four minutes. I realize that I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do today. The Atlantis is the nearest casino, so I head there.
10:44.
It's 2x points today, and the Atlantis has a bank of Full Pay Deuces Wild with the 100.76% payback tables. I start playing. I am infatuated with the machine. I play it for hours, occasionally pausing to daydream. I wonder if the Argument from Intelligent Design is really more persuasive than the Multi-Universe theory. I wonder what happened to random people I went to grade school with. I wonder whether the hot redhead still supervises poker on swing shift. I fantasize about her tying me up and spanking me. I get incredibly turned on by this.
2:19
I have lost $40 to the machine, but still haven't earned enough for a buffet comp. I go to the Poker room and get coffee. Then go to their computer center on the second floor.
2:33.
The poster Drizzle on Roughingthepunter likes WV -6. Fuck it, I am going to go bet it.
The line here is 6 1/2. Drive back to the Peppermill.
3:10.
Bet WV -6 for $330. Turn around and go back to Computer center. I have about $1000 in my wallet and Jafar might post something between now and post time.
3:15.
I refresh the screen every five minutes checking for picks. There is nothing. On the other tab, I read Tonybigcharles's blog. I try to think of ways to insult Homerplayer for starting the Coin toss thread, but nothing comes to mind.
4:04.
It's post time. I give up on Bettingtalk for the evening and go downstairs to the sportsbook.
4:09
Despite the fact that I had promised myself that I would not, under any circumstances, drink tonight, I head straight to the bar. I order a whiskey and a beer. The bartender is a plump woman in her early fifties. She smiles at me. I get very hard.
4:15.
We are shamelessly flirting. I tell her she is elegant. She tells me she's old enough to be my mother. I tell her I have fucked lots of women much older than her, and none of them ever asked for their money back. She tells me I am hilarious. I ask her if she wants to have dinner. She says, 'Yes, I get off at 8.' 'Really?' I ask. 'No, I'm being sarcastic. I'm old enough to be your mother, young man.'
4:55
Check the board for college halftimes. Nothing looks remotely good. More drinking.
5:13
I decide to bet Charlotte +8 in the second half for $22, because, well, why the Goddamn Hell not?
5:21
The bartender has disappeared. I wonder if she swallows. I wonder what her favorite position is.
5:44
Charlotte is probably going to win outright. Why the fuck didn't I bet more on it?
6:05
The Texas game starts. I finally have real action. My life starts again.
6:29
Texas is winning 20-15. I hate myself. I fucking knew I shouldn't have laid the 6 after the line moved. I just burned 330 dollars that I needed. I stare at myself in the mirror over the bar.
6:53
West Virginia is winning by 7. Why the fuck didn't I bet more on it? It was a TommyL play!
8:00
Win no cover. I block it out of my memory.
8:49
I am staring at the ticker like a lobotomy patient, waiting for updates on the San Diego game. They are losing by 2.
8:50
San Diego is losing by 1.
8:51
San Diego is losing by 2
8:52
San Diego is losing by 3 (fuck me sideways with a lunchbox)
8:53
San Diego is losing by 2
8:54
San Diego is losing by 1 (WTFF is going on? Are these teams shooting one free throw each time down the court?)
8:55
It's going to overtime. The only thing better than sweating a game between two shitty teams is a game between two shitty teams that goes into overtime.
8:59
Tied
9:00
LMU by 2
9:01
LMU by 1
9:02
LMU by 3 (FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK)
9:03
LMU by 1
9:04
LMU by 1
9:05
LMu by 1, 38 seconds left
9:06
LMU by 1, still 38 seconds left (Who has the ball??)
9:07
LMU by 1, eight seconds left (Who has the fucking ball??)
9:08
Final, SD 69-68. I cup my hands over my mouth and yell, "SERRANO'S GOT THE DISK, SERRANO'S GOT THE DISK, SERRANO'S GOT THE DISK!!!" to the now empty sportsbook.
9:15
Leave the Peppermill and head back to the Cal-Neva. Krazybread is not there. No one I know is there.
9:34
Go the top deck and get a $4.99 sandwich and fries. The waiter brings it less than five minutes after I order it. I eat it in less than five minutes. It's the first time I've eaten since Del Taco.
9:49.
I leave Cal-Neva and walk to Walgreens. I forgot how long it takes to get there, and it takes forever.
10:13
I get pissed because Old Spice body wash is 4.99, and I don't remember ever having to pay more than 3.49 for it. I buy Suave instead, and the cheapest razors they have, and leave.
10:32
I realize that forgot to buy deodorant and head back.
10:48
Get home and watch the end of Amish Mafia.
11:00
Try to find something else to watch. Everything on cable sucks. AMC is showing Shawshank redemption.
11:34
Start masturbating to mental picture of Platinum blond Russian girl who deals blackjack on day shift at Cal-neva.
11:37
Give up after three minutes because I'm tired, and she's just not that hot.
12:02 a.m.
Fall asleep.
7:54 a.m.
I wake up. I realize that I am not hungover. This puzzles me.
7:55
I spend the next seven minutes staring at the picture on the wall. It is of a man walking down a cobblestone street somewhere in Western Europe. It is horribly out of place in this room. The tv is still on from last night. Apparently TNT is the last thing I was watching before I went to sleep. DA Cutter never loses. I still can't understand why I'm not hungover.
8:02
I roll out of bed and decide to get dressed. I am still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, but I did take my shoes off. I realize that I have no clean clothes since I've been putting off doing laundry. This is going to be my second day in a row wearing this shirt, and third for the socks.
8:05
Go to the bathroom to shower. I have run out of shampoo, deodorant, and razors at the same time. I have not showered in more than 24 hours. I shrug my shoulders and walk out.
8:08
Walk the three blocks from the El Cortez to the Cal-Neva
8:19
Get the NBA and NCAA sheets from the sportsbook. Look for Krazybread, but he isn't there. Briefly regret every decision I have made in life that has led me to this point.
8:40
Drive to the Peppermill. Low fuel light is on in my car. Decide to put off buying gas until later.
8:52
Go to the poker room and drink from the unguarded coffee machine. Briefly try to flirt with supervisor, but get absolutely nowhere.
9:28
Go upstairs to computer center and check bettingtalk. Nothing good is posted except new TommyL picks. He likes WV -5 and SD pk. I go downstairs.
9:32
The lines they have are WV -6 and SD +2. I punch the table since I realize I can't bet WV. I bet $440 on SD. Briefly consider flirting with the ticket writer, but decide it's just now worth it.
9:35
Sit down and stare at the betting board. Brood about not being able to bet WV. Go back to poker room and drink more coffee. Check Roughingthepunter and betting for more picks. No valuable information posted. Sports betting forums are the biggest waste of time on the internet.
10:21
Head to Del Taco for brunch. Order 5 tacos for $2.50. The supervisor is "Reno Cute" which is to say she isn't completely revolting. She seems eager, so I consider asking for her phone number. Then I remember I am in Northern Nevada, so there's a 100% chance she's a single mother with herpes, making this a decidedly -ev prop.
10:31.
I eat all five tacos in less than four minutes. I realize that I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do today. The Atlantis is the nearest casino, so I head there.
10:44.
It's 2x points today, and the Atlantis has a bank of Full Pay Deuces Wild with the 100.76% payback tables. I start playing. I am infatuated with the machine. I play it for hours, occasionally pausing to daydream. I wonder if the Argument from Intelligent Design is really more persuasive than the Multi-Universe theory. I wonder what happened to random people I went to grade school with. I wonder whether the hot redhead still supervises poker on swing shift. I fantasize about her tying me up and spanking me. I get incredibly turned on by this.
2:19
I have lost $40 to the machine, but still haven't earned enough for a buffet comp. I go to the Poker room and get coffee. Then go to their computer center on the second floor.
2:33.
The poster Drizzle on Roughingthepunter likes WV -6. Fuck it, I am going to go bet it.
The line here is 6 1/2. Drive back to the Peppermill.
3:10.
Bet WV -6 for $330. Turn around and go back to Computer center. I have about $1000 in my wallet and Jafar might post something between now and post time.
3:15.
I refresh the screen every five minutes checking for picks. There is nothing. On the other tab, I read Tonybigcharles's blog. I try to think of ways to insult Homerplayer for starting the Coin toss thread, but nothing comes to mind.
4:04.
It's post time. I give up on Bettingtalk for the evening and go downstairs to the sportsbook.
4:09
Despite the fact that I had promised myself that I would not, under any circumstances, drink tonight, I head straight to the bar. I order a whiskey and a beer. The bartender is a plump woman in her early fifties. She smiles at me. I get very hard.
4:15.
We are shamelessly flirting. I tell her she is elegant. She tells me she's old enough to be my mother. I tell her I have fucked lots of women much older than her, and none of them ever asked for their money back. She tells me I am hilarious. I ask her if she wants to have dinner. She says, 'Yes, I get off at 8.' 'Really?' I ask. 'No, I'm being sarcastic. I'm old enough to be your mother, young man.'
4:55
Check the board for college halftimes. Nothing looks remotely good. More drinking.
5:13
I decide to bet Charlotte +8 in the second half for $22, because, well, why the Goddamn Hell not?
5:21
The bartender has disappeared. I wonder if she swallows. I wonder what her favorite position is.
5:44
Charlotte is probably going to win outright. Why the fuck didn't I bet more on it?
6:05
The Texas game starts. I finally have real action. My life starts again.
6:29
Texas is winning 20-15. I hate myself. I fucking knew I shouldn't have laid the 6 after the line moved. I just burned 330 dollars that I needed. I stare at myself in the mirror over the bar.
6:53
West Virginia is winning by 7. Why the fuck didn't I bet more on it? It was a TommyL play!
8:00
Win no cover. I block it out of my memory.
8:49
I am staring at the ticker like a lobotomy patient, waiting for updates on the San Diego game. They are losing by 2.
8:50
San Diego is losing by 1.
8:51
San Diego is losing by 2
8:52
San Diego is losing by 3 (fuck me sideways with a lunchbox)
8:53
San Diego is losing by 2
8:54
San Diego is losing by 1 (WTFF is going on? Are these teams shooting one free throw each time down the court?)
8:55
It's going to overtime. The only thing better than sweating a game between two shitty teams is a game between two shitty teams that goes into overtime.
8:59
Tied
9:00
LMU by 2
9:01
LMU by 1
9:02
LMU by 3 (FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK)
9:03
LMU by 1
9:04
LMU by 1
9:05
LMu by 1, 38 seconds left
9:06
LMU by 1, still 38 seconds left (Who has the ball??)
9:07
LMU by 1, eight seconds left (Who has the fucking ball??)
9:08
Final, SD 69-68. I cup my hands over my mouth and yell, "SERRANO'S GOT THE DISK, SERRANO'S GOT THE DISK, SERRANO'S GOT THE DISK!!!" to the now empty sportsbook.
9:15
Leave the Peppermill and head back to the Cal-Neva. Krazybread is not there. No one I know is there.
9:34
Go the top deck and get a $4.99 sandwich and fries. The waiter brings it less than five minutes after I order it. I eat it in less than five minutes. It's the first time I've eaten since Del Taco.
9:49.
I leave Cal-Neva and walk to Walgreens. I forgot how long it takes to get there, and it takes forever.
10:13
I get pissed because Old Spice body wash is 4.99, and I don't remember ever having to pay more than 3.49 for it. I buy Suave instead, and the cheapest razors they have, and leave.
10:32
I realize that forgot to buy deodorant and head back.
10:48
Get home and watch the end of Amish Mafia.
11:00
Try to find something else to watch. Everything on cable sucks. AMC is showing Shawshank redemption.
11:34
Start masturbating to mental picture of Platinum blond Russian girl who deals blackjack on day shift at Cal-neva.
11:37
Give up after three minutes because I'm tired, and she's just not that hot.
12:02 a.m.
Fall asleep.
Comments
Just for you Benny. Bet 1504 1H Brooklyn Under 100.5
I actually talked about her with Cutter the last time I saw him.
She lives here in Reno, I shit you not.
I need to Pm him on RTP to find out where she lives/works, but I keep forgetting to.
Lmaoooo
Keep these posts coming!
any plays today?