Johnny was at school and the teacher said can someone use the word contagious in a sentence? No one but Johnny raised their hand, and though she was reluctant to do so because of past problems with Johnny she called on him and said "OK Johnny use the word contagious in a sentence" Johnny replied: "Well one Sunday my dad and I were driving around as he was drinking his morning six-pack, and we saw a woman painting a barn with a one inch paintbrush and my dad said "It's gonna take that cunt ages to paint that barn"
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".
The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home "
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
"The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair. "
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: ‘7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, Turner Brown.’
The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor.
This big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, ‘What's wrong with you?’ In a very weak voice, the little guy says, ‘Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?’ The big dude says, ‘I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, and my name
is Turner Brown.’
The small guy says, ‘Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around!’
Okay thanks if someone could reach out to him would be appreciated thank you very much have a safe 4th God bless you and your family and the United States of America
Comments
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".
The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home "
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
"The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair. "
2 best places to coach,prisons and orphanages. Prisons ,the alums leave u alone .Orphanages ,the parents stay off your ass !!
The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor.
This big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, ‘What's wrong with you?’ In a very weak voice, the little guy says, ‘Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?’ The big dude says, ‘I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, and my name
is Turner Brown.’
The small guy says, ‘Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around!’
w2w
Hey wire to wire do you know if underwraps is going to do baseball picks for 2016 season
Someone said they saw him yesterday @the Fort Bragg mlb game with Zack Hample. Dunno he mighta sold Zack the ticket.
Hey Ron do you know if under wraps is going to do the baseball picks this season or does anybody know
??? I'm sure he'll be around soon.
Okay thanks if someone could reach out to him would be appreciated thank you very much have a safe 4th God bless you and your family and the United States of America